Having kids has turned me into and insomniac. Even though both boys technically sleep through the night most of the time, I would venture to say a lot of nights I do not. I’m up at least once, maybe because Logan needs his paci or Connor needs “fresh water”. Or somtimes it’s because I’m hot or otherwise uncomfortable. There are a host of factors contributing to my insomnia, most of which I don’t even understand. All I know is it’s only been in the past two and a half years that this all started.
It’s 2:04 in the morning right now. I should be in bed, curled up next to Derek sleeping. But instead, I’m blogging. What’s wrong with me?! Tonight, after I got Logan settled back down, I sat in the rocking chair in the boys room and listened to Connor’s steady breathing and Logan’s rhythmic sucking. I was just overcome with love for these two little people that I had a hand in creating. Just amazing. I sat in the chair for a long time, just marveling in the miracle of my two boys. I’m reminded of a quote that I’ve read in several different places: “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” ~Elizabeth Stone That’s so true.
There are several things that usually happen when I can’t sleep.
1) I almost always get hungry. I usually don’t eat anything because I don’t like to eat in the middle of the night. But, my stomach always growls. If I do eat, it’s always a bowl of Life cereal. That’s my favorite insomniac snack.
2) I think of really random things. Since I’ve started blogging, these random things are usually things that I think I should blog about. Tonights random musings included my all time favorite California botany (the jacaranda tree), the similarity between the words insomniac and maniac, and two new recipes I want to try, one for pork chops and one for tri-tip. Which one should I make first?
3) I start to get really irritated with myself for even being awake. That only makes it harder to go back to sleep. I start thinking about how hard it’s going to be to get up in the morning and how miserable I will be until I can catch a nap in the afternoon.
4) Things start to get a little foggy. My thoughts stop making sense. My eyes get heavy and I know that sleep will be here soon. That’s where I am right now.