I feel like I have nothing to say but I don’t understand how that can even be possible. Anyone who knows me knows that I like to talk. I like to talk a lot. So why is it that I can’t think of one thing interesting enough to say on here? It’s a real mystery.
I should be bursting with things to say. I hardly have any adult conversation these days. Derek is crazy busy trying to finish up the ol’ thesis. He’s been working 10-12 hours a day (which I am really trying not to complain about because I am just ready to be done with this) We both know that it’s just another month of two of life like this and it will all pay off in the end. But, some days it’s still hard. It’s hard to be with the kids by myself that long without any help or any break. It’s hard doing dinner and bath and bed and get the house picked up all alone. I don’t know how single moms do it.
There are three other moms in my apartment complex who have babies that were born within a month or two of Logan. I’ve talked to them outside and I’ve tried to be really nice and friendly since we are all at the same point in life right now-married to graduate students with kids. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed the other moms all in one of their apartments together. And today, when I realized that they do this regularly, it really hurt my feelings, which is just so stupid. I mean, I barely know these people and we are leaving here very shortly, and it’s not like I’ve invited them over or anything. But still, why wasn’t I invited to their little mommy group? Are my kids horrible? Is there something wrong with me? I seriously just felt so insecure today when I saw them all in there and realized that this was a regular thing. It’s so stupid, I know. But I guess I just feel pretty lonely and stressed out lately and sure would have liked to be in there with them today.
And then it just makes me even sadder when I think about leaving here and leaving one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I’m so sad that I won’t get to hang out with Beth every week and our kids won’t grow up together. What if when we move I don’t find another friend like her? What makes it so neat too is that Derek and her husband are really close, too. Not only is it rare to find such a great friend, but it’s even harder to find one where the guys get along just as well.
As excited as I am about the next chapter in my life, the sadness of closing this one is what’s on my heart lately.