Ace of Spades

When I was 12, I ran over a cockroach while riding my bicycle. This wasn’t just any cockroach. It was a pregnant one, and when I ran over her, eggs spewed out all over the place.

When I was 17, I ran over a frog with my moms car. The crunch the frog made under my tires still haunts me.

Tonight something happened that trumps both of those experiences.

I went to get the mail tonight and on the way out, I noticed a lizard on our door. That’s neat, I thought. After I get the mail, I’ll get my camera and take a picture of it for Connor. He’ll really like that a lizard lives on our door at night. When I opened the door, the lizard got a little startled and started running. I quickly closed the door. I think lizards are okay little creatures, but I certainly don’t want one inside my house running around. I went to get my camera, and when I got to the door I noticed a little lizard leg poking in. Oh no, I thought. His leg is caught. it was much, much worse than a caught leg. When I hastily closed the door, I completely smushed him. Guts hanging out, blood on my door smushed him. He was still twitching.

I immediately called Derek, who happens to be out of town. I was freaking out and I didn’t know what to do. Leave him? But I couldn’t do that. I could see his leg from inside my house and he would get all dried and crusty before Derek get’s home. Derek said just to get a paper towel and pick him of. Ummm…hello?! I can barely do that with dead spiders, much less 5 inch, sitll a bit alive, smashed lizards! I decided I would get the hose and spray him off. But then I realized that he was stuck in such a way that with my door closed he completely disappers (minus the leg). If I try to spray him off with the hose, I will soak the inside of our nice, new house. Not gonna happen.

So what did I do? First I called my sister to share the horrific situation and predicament. Then, I went to the neighbors house. The neighbor who I have only talked to one time, whose name I honestly can’t remember right this second. Being a nice, southern gentleman, he graciously agreed to help me get the lizard off the door. His two boys (ages 8 and 10) came with us. They thought it was the coolest thing ever. Blood, guts, and small amphibians. Does it get much better?

In my book, the lizard trumps the roach and the frog.

10 Replies to “Ace of Spades”

  1. That is hilarious!!! OK I especially loved the hose spraying solution. Whenever I see a gross bug, I decide to spray them down with anything. Sometimes Lysol, hairspray, or Windex. Whatever’s handy. Spraying is the best solution, you’re able to stand a good foot away from it.

  2. When we still lived in Perkins we got a lizard caught between our sliding glass doors- it was so creepy I was freaking out. I have NO idea what I would have done if Ry wasn’t home.

  3. I think there are 2 reasons to get married:

    1. To have someone to kill bugs for me
    2. To have someone make sandwiches for me

    There is obviously a reason I’m not married yet….

    In all seriousness though, I would rather let a cricket crawl across the room in front of me than kill it – and they do. I can’t handle the crunching noise. It is really bad at my parents’ house in Crowley…frogs everywhere and during the summer our driveway is covered with outlines smashed former-frogs.

  4. You would think that if the lizard couldn’t go anywhere, you could have at least captured a picture of him! :0) just kidding. Oh and thanks for sending me directions to your house – that was so nice of you!

  5. Reminds me of the time that Reggie, Derek and Bret were out of town and our dogs decided to present me with a possum that they killed. They brought it and laid it tenderly on the back porch. They were so proud. Yuk!! I was not about to deal with a dead possum, but I couldn’t leave it there for days stinking either. I called Andy Edwards, one of Derek’s friends at church, and had him come over and dispose of the body for me.

    Yes, there is definitely a reason to have a man around the house and disposer of dead bodies is one of them!

  6. I can’t believe you actually went to get your neighbor to get it off!!! You would never make it in the country! We made the mistake of buying the sticky mouse traps (rather than the standard wooden snap traps). When the mouse got on the trap you had to kill it before you could throw it away! At first I wouldn’t even get near the traps. I have to admit that I did actually kill one of the mice stuck on the sticky traps. Now that we’re back to the wooden snap traps…I can empty and reset them! I still don’t like the live mice!

  7. I have been reading your blog FOREVER but for some reason it won’t let me post a comment from work (I think it has something to do with it being from a hospital server or something), so now I am trying from home. I read the lizard story to the girls at work and we all got an absolute kick out of it.

    #1 tip for making a girl: Have your husband REALLY REALLY want a boy and you will surely get a girl every time!!!

    I love the blog and read everyday even though I can’t post a comment!!

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