Bit of a heavy heart

I have started this post like 10 times, and I just keep deleting. I feel like I can’t even make a clear thought in my head, much less on my blog. That probably has something to do with the 4 hours of sleep I got last night in combination with a heart that is a bit sad. First of all, the 4 hours of sleep thing…we stayed out last night until 1:30 a.m., which in mom time might as well have been an all nighter. Some of our good friends are moving, and we all got together last night (sans kids) for one last shindig before they leave. We ended up playing Texas Hold ‘Em until ridiculously late at night. Just so you know, as it turns out, I actually have a knack for the poker thing. Who knew! It was so much fun, but holy cow am I tired! After we got home, I just couldn’t sleep. My stomach was hurting. I tossed and turned. I worried. I played a million what if games and I let my mind go down a road I never let it go down before Derek travels. I think I finally feel asleep sometime after 3 a.m. and the Princess was bright eyed and bushy tailed at 7:00. It’s been a long day.

I feel so unequipped to handle everything when Derek is gone, especially in the summer when I have to be on my A game all day, every day. He is truly everything I could have ever hoped for in a husband and as a father to my kids. He is patient when I am not. He is kind, and funny, and giving, and a leader, and man of integrity.  He picks up the slack when I’ve had a hard day.  He tells me I am beautiful, and I never for one second doubt his love or devotion to our family.

I had a total breakdown in the middle of church, which actually is the best place to have a breakdown. I have such good friends, and they are taking good care of us, filling up our days with fun and filling my heart with encouragement that everything is going to be fine.

Connor and I cried together today as we waved good-bye to our favorite man.

I’m freaking out about leaving the country without my babies. Just thinking about it makes my stomach do flips, and while I know in my head that everything is going to be fine, and that Derek and I will have a blast and get some much needed time together, and our kiddos will be in the best possible hands, it’s still hard to think about being that far away from my cozy little life.

Plus I’m a nervous traveler.  Just flying to Oklahoma City or Dallas causes my sweat glands to go into overdrive.  So going to Germany?  Yeah.  I’m crazy nervous about it.

Pray for me, please.  I’m doing my best, but most days it really feels like my best just isn’t good enough.  Especially when my better half is missing.

Happy Father’s Day, Derek!

5 Replies to “Bit of a heavy heart”

  1. I feel your pain completely, Megan. I cannot imagine. I will be praying for you, and your safety (both of you), while you are away from your kids. I would worry like crazy too, such a normal mommy thing to do! Love all of the picture!

  2. Hang in there Friend! I know you’re a wonderful mom and even though you feel tired and overwhelmed when your hubby is a way, the Lord will sustain you to get thru this time. Continue to rely on HIM for your strength. And so you’re leaving the country too huh? It’ll be a wonderful trip and the Lord will keep your precious babes safe while you’re gone. “Be anxious for nothing”

  3. ah Megs…we all feel that way when our hubby’s are gone because intended us to be together! You are a phenomenal Mom.
    I totally understand the nerves of leaving your babies…your family will be in my prayers and I can’t wait to hear all about your trip! hugs, my Sweet Friend.

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